Lavitaloca

23.01.2018 4 Comments

Most people have ZERO examples to draw from and it is hard to deconstruct a lifetime of hetero-normative monogamous programming. If something goes wrong, my entire family could be decimated. I have a family. Couples are a vital poly component. We need to stop making people feel bad for feeling bad. Acknowledge their struggle just like you want yours acknowledged. I see new couples entering into Poly that get a lot of flack for wanting this particular set up. Just like there are crummy couples with ill intentions, there are crummy singles with ill intentions.

Lavitaloca


Acknowledge their struggle just like you want yours acknowledged. Couples are a vital poly component. I have a family. Recognize that while you may not understand exactly what that person is feeling, that feeling is valid to them and they deserve compassion, respect and understanding. Just like there are crummy couples with ill intentions, there are crummy singles with ill intentions. It would be nice, just once, to find a couple that was truly Polyamorous; who understood that I might desire intimacy with one and a relationship with the other; who understood that I have my own stuff going on, and that I like it that way; who can respect the fact that the only way they are going to be in my life is to see themselves as part of it…not the authors of it. We are committed to one another, and understand dating others as just a part of our dynamic. Instead of dismissing the VERY REAL feelings and issues that couples face when deciding to open up, try to understand their position and educate them on better ways of operating from a place of compassion and wanting to further knowledge, not from a place of ridicule and self righteousness. That is how the conversation of dating couples , one or both of them, is even remotely possible. I have been married for ten years and have three kids; that is a BIG risk to take. We need to stop making people feel bad for feeling bad. Most people have ZERO examples to draw from and it is hard to deconstruct a lifetime of hetero-normative monogamous programming. Try to help them break down the societal relationship programming that is so deeply ingrained in most of us, because, especially for women, we have been geared to regard any person that our partner has an affinity for or could perceive as attractive to them as a threat. I see new couples entering into Poly that get a lot of flack for wanting this particular set up. Recognize that a lot of the absurd ways that couples behave is because they want to protect their relationship. If something goes wrong, my entire family could be decimated. How are couples coming into Poly supposed to feel comfortable and supported when they see the amount of persons, basically, making couples the villains of the Poly world? One day we might want that too.

Lavitaloca


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4 thoughts on “Lavitaloca”

  1. Recognize that while you may not understand exactly what that person is feeling, that feeling is valid to them and they deserve compassion, respect and understanding. I see new couples entering into Poly that get a lot of flack for wanting this particular set up.

  2. Instead of dismissing the VERY REAL feelings and issues that couples face when deciding to open up, try to understand their position and educate them on better ways of operating from a place of compassion and wanting to further knowledge, not from a place of ridicule and self righteousness. One day we might want that too.

  3. Recognize that a lot of the absurd ways that couples behave is because they want to protect their relationship. Recognize that while you may not understand exactly what that person is feeling, that feeling is valid to them and they deserve compassion, respect and understanding.

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