Let''s talk about Michael Phelps. At the time, I was really into making French pressed coffee. We''ll just get up at 4: I was fucking around with these mint coffee beans that were an absolute delight. Spiked ice coffees are the Red Bull and Vodka of the morning. He was sitting in the middle of our heated debate and acted like we didn''t exist. Mike was pushing meatball marinara such a slob over my classic cold-cut combo. In a matter of days, we went from typing on our iPhones while taking a dump to accepting invitations to nationally televised interviews.
Mike and I wasted no time. By the time we got to 30 Rock and found Denny, made it through security, ran into Michael Phelps, and sat down in the greenroom, we were legitimately wasted. I don''t care who you are, you don''t go on the Today show sober. What a perfect fit! What would verify our normalness? You should respond in pairs as you''ll want to know at least 1 person at this wedding. Let''s talk about Michael Phelps. Before it came time to hit the Today show couch, we were introduced to Natalie Morales babe and Matt Lauer superbabe! Some folks from NBC''s Dateline division were working on a story about us for a show that was set to air later that summer. If when you respond you should send some pictures of yourself so we know you''ve met the above requirements. I was fucking around with these mint coffee beans that were an absolute delight. I couldn''t even tell you what Natalie looked like, but I can recall in detail exactly how nice Matt''s suit was. He was fit as a fiddle, too. The entire NBC special on us eventually ended up falling through. This feels kinda creepy, are you guys Craigslist killers? Gals submitted pictures, PowerPoints, videos, blogs, even some nudie shots! You got it, Kim! We''ll just get up at 4: She really stressed that she would prefer us not to drink the night before, fearing we''d sleep in and look like shit. Her name is Kristy Barlette for the record. For at least the first few days, we replied to every single email. She said we drank too much and weren''t "fit for the camera" and "take this seriously" and "You have to wear shirts. Some were babes, some were not-so-babes, some were old ladies, some were dudes, some were dudes saying they wish they''d thought of this. We just genuinely want to do something different and we don''t see any other way to approach it. You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you. To push the story''s development further, Kim got us booked on Today, and for the Monday morning after the Oscars, no less.
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